1. |
chores
01:39
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he tells me
“You treat wanting to
kill yourself
like
a chore
if you want to die
so fucking badly
how about you just do it?”
i look at him
wanting to question how he doesn’t understand
of course I treat wanting to kill myself like a chore.
truth be told,
i don’t want to kill myself
i feel like i need to.
killing yourself is a chore.
no one ever wants to have to
touch the soggy noodles
from last night’s dinner
while washing the dishes
but
if you want
clean dishes
and a
clean house
you need to.
killing yourself is a chore.
no one wants
to make people upset
no one wants to do any of the painful things
they just want
a clean slate.
a clean self.
slowly but surely
i am realizing-
I hate doing chores.
i do not mind
having a dirty house.
eventually,
it will be clean.
and i can definitely wait for that.
a little mess never hurt anyone.
mess adds character
and everyone is bound to have
a little mess
in their house
no matter what their situation is.
and killing myself
would just make that mess
go to somebody else.
i want to leave everything
cleaner than I found it.
and if that involves
leaving dirty plates in my sink,
for a little while
that is fine.
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2. |
mother
01:15
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Farewell, dear mother.
sweet be thy rest.
Mother,
the flowers growing out the ground
are not from your decaying body
Mother, those flowers come from your soul and brain.
mother,
Not only did your beauty grow flowers on the earth.
mother,
you planted flowers in everyone you met.
made sure to take care of them,
in me, father, grandfather, grandmother, so many people.
Mother, you put yourself into the earth
gave it everything you had to make it grow
Mother,
is thy rest sweet?
mother, though I said farewell
I still visit
still remember
how you read me bedtime stories
cooked the very best dinner
sang the most lovely tunes.
mother, this is not farewell.
mother, you live in me
the flowers you planted did not die.
will never die.
you will never die.
know you are still watering them
taking care of them
farewell dear mother,
sweet be thy rest.
but mother,
i feel you in the air
feel you in the sun.
feel you in the sky.
mother, are you here?
mother, i am here.
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3. |
crying over u
00:53
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i am getting clean for you.
when we stop talking i will quit smoking again,
and cut my hair short.
i am getting clean for you.
i will write you poems on the back of my hands
and watch the ink run off them into the soapy water.
sitting in a shower
water smells like strawberries.
washing off every word written
about you
you left words on a body
you left yrself in dirty places.
yr lipstick is on the shower walls.
yr reflection in the water.
yr ghost is in the bathroom.
you got clean
my tears cleansed yr body
while you gave her head
and i slit my wrists
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4. |
falling in love with u
01:11
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Crying on the side of the road
Flowers in your bed
Heaven doesn't exist to you anymore
Because you put all your faith in an undeserving boy's body.
he was your new religion
a saint
a young god
his words were your holy bible
You would hear before you prayed to him every night
and right now she’s falling in love with you
but yr still crying over him
whiskey is filling yr bones
smoke is filling yr lungs
know- self destruction will not get you into heaven faster
heaven was his arms
and
he doesn’t hold you anymore.
you wonder if you will ever be the same again.
when you met him you were cotton candy and sunshine
and now you are shadows and blood stained showers
but do you want to be the same?
do you want to be the same person
who believed everything in the world was sunshine?
who would put yourself into an unworthy boy’s hands?
you are still crying over him
and she’s still falling in love with you
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5. |
me me me
01:33
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6. |
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i saw a woman on a willow tree when i was seven yrs old
and she disappeared into the summer air
am i going to be this way forever
am i going to keep believing in ghosts
i saw a woman on that willow tree
claimed she was an angel of god
eyes cut daggers
was she a ghost or was it in my head?
was she a ghost or was it in my head?
bless my holy sins and suffering
and give me something else to believe in
but leave her ghost to sit on top of that beautiful tree
so when i look up i can still see the empty space she occupied once.
i still believe in ghosts
and i can still feel you in the air
forgive me for my lack of reality
I love you
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7. |
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I bet you’ll get some sick pleasure in this
you said it turned you on
when I cried while I gave you head
for the first time
turned you on when I screamed
turned you on when I was terrified
turned you on when I begged you to stop thrusting yourself into me
you didn’t stop.
yet my heart still does not struggle to miss you with all of it’s being
you held all of me in just the palm of your hand,
touched parts of my body i never knew existed
so much pain brought so much pleasure
you taught me pain meant love love love
began to associate the feeling of pain with love,
dug razors into my skin
began skipping meals
started smoking again
Traded sleep for late night drinking
all to feel love love love
i could no longer receive from you
was it that easy?
to fucking destroy me
and then leave?
was it that easy?
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8. |
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9. |
||||
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feel the presence of yr death,
taste yr ashes on the tongue.
early you went.
to join the mad,
the young,
the genius.
early you went.
that’s how the beautiful go,
blessed with yr holy madness and rage.
you
held hell hell hell.
but they saw
heaven heaven heaven.
your eyes swallowed with desire.
romanticized with pain
god, you had so much love
so much love.
los angeles would have killed you anyway,
I can still hear yr dog whistle from my bedroom, baby.
IT’S GETTING LOUDER.
IT’S GETTING LOUDER.
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING.
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING.
YOU’RE GONE AND I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING.
every word you chose not to speak,
every word you held on yr dirty tongue.
everything.
the words that meant something you never spoke,
that were not empty like yr veins.
like your promises.
like your heart.
that
killed yourself to make things fair
i miss u
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10. |
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♡ romantic poetry ♡ hell, Michigan
2015 - 2018.
♡ romantic poetry ♡ recommends:
a very good friendo and talented poet and an overall lovely person!
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