he tells me
“You treat wanting to
kill yourself
like
a chore
if you want to die
so fucking badly
how about you just do it?”
i look at him
wanting to question how he doesn’t understand
of course I treat wanting to kill myself like a chore.
truth be told,
i don’t want to kill myself
i feel like i need to.
killing yourself is a chore.
no one ever wants to have to
touch the soggy noodles
from last night’s dinner
while washing the dishes
but
if you want
clean dishes
and a
clean house
you need to.
killing yourself is a chore.
no one wants
to make people upset
no one wants to do any of the painful things
they just want
a clean slate.
a clean self.
slowly but surely
i am realizing-
I hate doing chores.
i do not mind
having a dirty house.
eventually,
it will be clean.
and i can definitely wait for that.
a little mess never hurt anyone.
mess adds character
and everyone is bound to have
a little mess
in their house
no matter what their situation is.
and killing myself
would just make that mess
go to somebody else.
i want to leave everything
cleaner than I found it.
and if that involves
leaving dirty plates in my sink,
for a little while
that is fine.
Poet Douglas Kearney and composer/producer/drummer Val Jeanty link up for a a compelling LP that feels like the written word come to life. Bandcamp New & Notable Mar 30, 2021